Child problems ????? Find a solution
Nowadays we all must be reading in the newspapers or hearing the news on television about incidences like children committing suicides. The reasons for these suicides have a wide range. Either they have scored less in exams or have desires to be like some friend who is rich & stylish but cannot be like them leading to frustration or a broken love affair or an affair not approved by parents or simply that parents keep pestering them for silly reasons or _______________________. The reasons could be just anything but definitely there is certainly an increase in suicide rate.
Just a few days back I read in a local news paper about an article in which, popular psychiatrist Dr. Harish Shetty presented 4 cases were small misunderstandings between the parents & children lead dire consequences or mistakes made by children have to be corrected. There has to be understanding between both the parents & children so as to avoid undesirable consequences.
I did feel after reading these cases that certain tensions did exist even between me & my parents too when I was younger. Solutions to certain problems still are pending.
To make one thing clear that suicide cases in younger age group does not necessarily involve incidences with parents. As mentioned above the reasons could be variable & need to be tackled with maturity especially by parents.
The first case mentioned by Dr. Harish Shetty was about parents & a child. The parents scolded and hit their son who stole 500 Rs. The son got angry and tried to commit suicide. When the doc talked alone with the son, he replied that he did not realize that he was stealing. His friends treated him with good lunch most of the times but he could not treat them anytime. Hence he thought he would take the money & treat them too. They ate burgers & had cold drinks. They were happy. He thought of telling his father later but was caught when the father saw the change money in one of the books.
Solution ----- usually parents get angry too fast without asking the child about the situation. Obviously the act of stealing is not the act which should receive an award but it does not even deserve the other end treatment. Talking is the solution. In the above situation when parents found out the change money they should have asked & talked instead of screaming & hitting. Children might not realize certain things. To make them realize is parents duty but the method should be appropriate.
The second case mentioned by Dr. Harish was about a boy around 12 - 14 years of age who was a poet. His mother just chanced upon a diary in which her son had expressed in poetry form, love for 3 girls around the same age as his. She did not like her son expressing love in such a way. The mother consulted Dr. Harish about the same. She said that initially her son used to express his feelings in front of her but once she scolded him & he stopped expressing. She also told him that it's not good to express love in their culture. Dr. Harish replied to mother that her son was a good poet. It is rare for a boy of his age to write such beautifully. Her mother got irritated by such a reply & so did his father when he realized it. But when the doctor explained the parents that they just have too appreciate their son about his skills. When they did appreciate his son, the relation between them changed for good.
Solution ------- Sometimes parents go too deep in certain matters. The fact that children always need appreciation from their parents first, should be kept in mind by the parents. If they feel to talk about certain matters, so be it. Its better to solve the matters amongst each other without fights.
The third case mentioned was about a girl & a boy of 7th & 9th std who were caught in compromising position. Most of the people in authorizing position thought of punishing them but the principal thought of bringing in the psychiatrist. They were given tasks that put them in a superior position & then they were asked to think about their actions. After certain days the parents were informed. They did scold them initially but then the matters ended.
Solution -------- What the school authorities did was good. Instead of blowing matters out of proportion they thought of explaining the students in a different manner. They explained both of them that they should know the intensity & the consequence of their actions. The parents were called later & explained that they would not shout or hit the children once they go home. Many did not like the idea that both the children were not punished & this would actually give a wrong message. In this case parents have done nothing to the children. But my message to every child is ------- there is a time for everything. There is a time to study, play, have fun, marry, have children etc etc. Children start to get these sexual feelings when they start reaching a certain age. This is normal. They need to express such feelings in a certain way or to somebody. But what they need to realize that they are young, they have energy. They need to direct their energy & feelings towards positivity. Every person has to evaluate his / her consequences for a certain action. They need to learn a lot of things & also think about parents (which very few children think).
The last case told by Dr. Harish was about a girl who suddenly started scoring badly in her exams, suddenly became disinterested in studies. She bunked tutions & kept bad company. She threatens to harm herself. This was said by the parents to Dr. Harish. At first they did not want him to talk to their daughter fearing their daughters reaction but they later agreed. Once Dr. Harish met the girl, she said that her parents overreact. She is not allowed to girls or boys. They don't like her behavior. Her mother keeps constantly checking the girl's phone. She failed once, she got scared & not interested in studies any more. When the father comes home, mother starts complaining about the daughter to the father. Then they keep scolding her, keep nagging her, keep finding faults. This irritates the daughter.
Solution ------- Parents usually feel that their children should react the way they want. They usually want their children to react in the so called "right way". If they tell the parents like, I want a mobile, I want to go to my friends parties, I want to stay with my friend for one night etc etc............. here starts the problem. Suspicion keeps creeping in even when the child does not do anything which is meant to be wrong. This makes the life of the children miserable. They loose interest in things which initially interested them. Parents need to be reasonable. If they want to say no to a demand put by the child they should firmly yet nicely reject the proposal. Overreacting leads to miserable situations. This should be avoided.
React to the situation nicely & positively. The relationship between parents should be build on on trust & love. Hope I & my husband will be able to do this with our child.
Just a few days back I read in a local news paper about an article in which, popular psychiatrist Dr. Harish Shetty presented 4 cases were small misunderstandings between the parents & children lead dire consequences or mistakes made by children have to be corrected. There has to be understanding between both the parents & children so as to avoid undesirable consequences.
I did feel after reading these cases that certain tensions did exist even between me & my parents too when I was younger. Solutions to certain problems still are pending.
To make one thing clear that suicide cases in younger age group does not necessarily involve incidences with parents. As mentioned above the reasons could be variable & need to be tackled with maturity especially by parents.
The first case mentioned by Dr. Harish Shetty was about parents & a child. The parents scolded and hit their son who stole 500 Rs. The son got angry and tried to commit suicide. When the doc talked alone with the son, he replied that he did not realize that he was stealing. His friends treated him with good lunch most of the times but he could not treat them anytime. Hence he thought he would take the money & treat them too. They ate burgers & had cold drinks. They were happy. He thought of telling his father later but was caught when the father saw the change money in one of the books.
Solution ----- usually parents get angry too fast without asking the child about the situation. Obviously the act of stealing is not the act which should receive an award but it does not even deserve the other end treatment. Talking is the solution. In the above situation when parents found out the change money they should have asked & talked instead of screaming & hitting. Children might not realize certain things. To make them realize is parents duty but the method should be appropriate.
The second case mentioned by Dr. Harish was about a boy around 12 - 14 years of age who was a poet. His mother just chanced upon a diary in which her son had expressed in poetry form, love for 3 girls around the same age as his. She did not like her son expressing love in such a way. The mother consulted Dr. Harish about the same. She said that initially her son used to express his feelings in front of her but once she scolded him & he stopped expressing. She also told him that it's not good to express love in their culture. Dr. Harish replied to mother that her son was a good poet. It is rare for a boy of his age to write such beautifully. Her mother got irritated by such a reply & so did his father when he realized it. But when the doctor explained the parents that they just have too appreciate their son about his skills. When they did appreciate his son, the relation between them changed for good.
Solution ------- Sometimes parents go too deep in certain matters. The fact that children always need appreciation from their parents first, should be kept in mind by the parents. If they feel to talk about certain matters, so be it. Its better to solve the matters amongst each other without fights.
The third case mentioned was about a girl & a boy of 7th & 9th std who were caught in compromising position. Most of the people in authorizing position thought of punishing them but the principal thought of bringing in the psychiatrist. They were given tasks that put them in a superior position & then they were asked to think about their actions. After certain days the parents were informed. They did scold them initially but then the matters ended.
Solution -------- What the school authorities did was good. Instead of blowing matters out of proportion they thought of explaining the students in a different manner. They explained both of them that they should know the intensity & the consequence of their actions. The parents were called later & explained that they would not shout or hit the children once they go home. Many did not like the idea that both the children were not punished & this would actually give a wrong message. In this case parents have done nothing to the children. But my message to every child is ------- there is a time for everything. There is a time to study, play, have fun, marry, have children etc etc. Children start to get these sexual feelings when they start reaching a certain age. This is normal. They need to express such feelings in a certain way or to somebody. But what they need to realize that they are young, they have energy. They need to direct their energy & feelings towards positivity. Every person has to evaluate his / her consequences for a certain action. They need to learn a lot of things & also think about parents (which very few children think).
The last case told by Dr. Harish was about a girl who suddenly started scoring badly in her exams, suddenly became disinterested in studies. She bunked tutions & kept bad company. She threatens to harm herself. This was said by the parents to Dr. Harish. At first they did not want him to talk to their daughter fearing their daughters reaction but they later agreed. Once Dr. Harish met the girl, she said that her parents overreact. She is not allowed to girls or boys. They don't like her behavior. Her mother keeps constantly checking the girl's phone. She failed once, she got scared & not interested in studies any more. When the father comes home, mother starts complaining about the daughter to the father. Then they keep scolding her, keep nagging her, keep finding faults. This irritates the daughter.
Solution ------- Parents usually feel that their children should react the way they want. They usually want their children to react in the so called "right way". If they tell the parents like, I want a mobile, I want to go to my friends parties, I want to stay with my friend for one night etc etc............. here starts the problem. Suspicion keeps creeping in even when the child does not do anything which is meant to be wrong. This makes the life of the children miserable. They loose interest in things which initially interested them. Parents need to be reasonable. If they want to say no to a demand put by the child they should firmly yet nicely reject the proposal. Overreacting leads to miserable situations. This should be avoided.
React to the situation nicely & positively. The relationship between parents should be build on on trust & love. Hope I & my husband will be able to do this with our child.
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